


What Did You Do to My Eyes

by RaoDaos



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29007498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaoDaos/pseuds/RaoDaos
Summary: My ideas on immediately following episode 122...spoilers obviouslyBeau has to get out of there...someone follows her.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 12
Kudos: 130





	What Did You Do to My Eyes

_“Shhh shh shhhh…_

_That’s not good…”_

The aasimar’s face scrunched up, not yet able to open her eyes; she wasn’t really awake...her instincts simply responded to that voice...Beau’s voice. The slightly frantic sound to it helped Yasha’s brain in it’s climb to full consciousness. She could feel something to her left…

Movement…

Fjord. 

She’d made sure to rest leaned up against her door; this was her room, she felt a certain responsibility to maintain the safety therein...she knew Fjord was posted on watch to her left. She could feel the shift in the air, and knew that he was responding to something. 

In the same moment that she remembered who's stressed voice had caused her to stirr, Yasha began to hear the sounds of a pencil on paper, furiously scribbling something as another body moved slowly through the room. 

_“S-stop.”_

_“What?”_

Yasha listened to Caleb and Beau, unaware of what they were discussing, but hearing the stress in their voices as she slowly prepared to open her sleepy eyes. 

_“Come here, come here, come here...turn around…”_

_“Your arms...he had one on his arm…”_

Multicolored eyes shot open; it was Beau’s voice again, the stress in it palpable. The room was not very dark, and as Yasha looked to her side, she saw Fjord stand up quickly from his seat next to her, his eyes intently focused on the pair standing beside her bed. Turning to look, Yasha could see Caleb quickly unbuttoning his shirt, revealing his upper torso with a small spin. Her stomach dropped at the same time a small gasp left Beau’s mouth when the wizard’s shoulder came into view, the bright red eye staring back at them. Yasha felt her vision begin to pinhole as she watched the monk hold her left hand up to Caleb’s arm, revealing her own matching eye. She began to slowly stand, her gaze turning to meet Fjord’s worried eyes as they both stood stunned just behind the empire siblings. She thought she was going to be sick. 

Beau could feel her heartbeat in her eyes, the whole room felt like it was moving beneath her as if she were on a swaying ship. Her hand shook slightly as she held it out in front of her, next to its twin on Caleb’s arm. _Fuck._ What had they done? She didn’t want this...she didn’t even know what it was she’d just experienced. She could feel the presence of both Yasha and Fjord behind her, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at them yet, knowing as soon as her eyes met theirs this would be cemented in reality, and she just wasn’t fucking ready for that yet. 

Yasha watched on, seeing Beau flex what seemed like her entire body, lifting up onto her toes in what looked like the physical manifestation of a scream. Her eyes shifted, watching Caleb look to the sky, his dry, emotionless voice speaking to the void. 

“Hah hah ha...ha ha…” Caleb brought his hand up to rest on top of his new eye, feeling an odd warmth radiate from it. They had known this was a possible consequence, though as he watched his younger sister frantically reach for the notebook she’d just been scribbling in, he couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps he should have read it alone first. He chanced a quick glance for the first time over at the other awake pair in the room, seeing them stand nearly identically with their arms crossed over their chests and their jaws set as their piercing stares cut through the tensioned filled air. His eyes flicked to meet Yasha’s and for a brief moment, he could see through the wall she was desperately trying to keep up, straight through to the agony she was in at what was unfolding before her. They both shifted their focus as a frustrated huff came from the young monk. 

“Ugh, _fuck_!” Beau swore she had written down something coherent, but as her eyes danced over the page her own hand had just been flying across, there was nothing but chaos. She flipped back a couple of pages, seeing the notes she’d been taking for the past few days looking back at her just as she’d written them, but flipping back to the most recent one...it was all just slash marks and scribbles. She could feel her chest becoming tighter, her breathing starting to become as erratic as she was beginning to feel. Her eyes looked down, seeing the red eye still plastered on her skin... _in_ her skin? She felt sick. 

Caleb took a tentative step towards Beau, seeing her posture slump slightly as her body began to almost vibrate. He could feel the rest of the group beginning to wake, and knew they would have to try and figure all of this out. He could see his sister staring at her hand, the new mark staring right back at her as he held out his own hand out towards her. “Beauregard…” 

“No, no no…” Beau continued to flip the pages back and forth, unable to accept what she was seeing. 

Yasha watched as Beau flipped between the pages of her book, apparently very unhappy about what she was seeing. The barbarian took a small step forward, feeling the energy coming off of the monk intensifying as she began to shake her head. 

“No…” Beau didn’t understand; she’d written it down, everything she could remember. The eye, the voices in her head. She could feel tears begin to form behind her eyes as she continued to shake her head. She whipped around when Caleb’s hand found her shoulder, shrugging off his touch as she angrily threw her notebook on the ground. “No! Fuck this, man! I don’t want this!” Her eyes were downcast to the floor, but she could see the rest of the Nein beginning to wake up in her periphery. She needed to leave; she couldn’t bring herself to look at anyone...this was too much. She shrugged away when he reached for her again, her hand coming up to angrily wipe a tear that’d slipped down her cheek. 

“Beauregard…” 

“No…” Her voice held more defeat than anger in that moment; she still had to go. Strands of brown hair that’d fallen from her bun tickled her face as Beau sidestepped her brother, shaking her head once more. “I’m going to my room for a bit...I need to...I have to go…” She took a few quick steps, until she was next to the woman that had been sleeping against the door, protecting them from the dangers outside of it...little did they fucking know. 

Beau paused briefly next to Yasha, her head turning slightly in the aasimar’s direction; she could feel the small exhale on her head from the taller woman whose head instinctively turned towards her as well. She wanted to reach out to her, and could feel the same energy from Yasha as she saw the large hand she held at her side flex ever so slightly, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. The strange warm sensation on the back of her left hand had more tears flying to her eyes and she knew that she would have the hardest time bringing herself to look at Yasha, so her feet continued to carry her to the door and out. 

*******

Yasha’s body turned slightly as the door closed behind Beau, a hand slowly coming up to rest on her mouth as her stomach continued to drop. She wanted to follow her, but she didn’t know if she should. She wanted to reach out to Beau before she left, but she didn’t want to stop her from leaving if that’s what she really wanted to do; Yasha would never try to control a decision for Beau. 

“What’s going on? Why did Beau just leave?” Jester’s voice cut into the stunned silence Yasha, Fjord, and Caleb had been stuck in. She turned to see Caleb standing at the foot of the bed, shirtless, looking down at his own arm. “Cayleb, why aren’t you wearing a-” Her statement was cut off when the wizard turned towards her, revealing the red eye on his shoulder. The small tiefling gasped, both of her hands coming to her mouth and a few tears coming to her eyes. _The book._ “Cayleb...oh, no...Beau?” She turned towards the door, remembering that they both read it; the downcast eyes and steeled expression on Fjord’s face and the wide eyed look of slight horror on Yasha’s told her all she needed to know. Turning back to Caleb, Jester could see his eyes locked onto the red mark now adorning his shoulder; she could already see the wheels turning in his head. Purple eyes shot back towards the door, locking with the worried ones of the tall woman who seemed to be wrestling with something; Jester figured she could guess. “Yasha...she shouldn’t be alone right now…” She slowly nodded her head at the aasimar as she got out of the bed and began towards Caleb who still hadn’t spoken and was still inspecting his own arm. Looking back at Yasha, she could see she was still struggling with what she thought was the right thing. “Yasha.” She waited until her friend looked at her. “She will want you there. Probably _only_ you...go.” 

Yasha nodded her head slowly, grateful for Jester’s insistence. Of course Beau shouldn’t be alone right now...and at Beau’s side was the only place Yasha wanted to be at that moment. She glanced towards Fjord, a knowing look on his face as he encouragingly nodded his head towards the door. One more quick nod of her head and Yasha finally got herself to move; she made one step towards the door before remembering something. She quickly turned around, stepping towards the end of the bed where Beau had thrown her notebook down. Yasha bent down and carefully picked up the discarded journal, closing it in her hand before turning and leaving the room.

*******

Yasha squeezed the book tightly in her hand, needing somewhere to send her nerves. 

_“She shouldn’t be alone right now…”_

The barbarian nodded her head, trying to recall how sure Jester sounded. Yasha’s hand came up and knocked softly a couple of times; she waited...nothing. She sighed, pulling her bottom lip in slightly. She brought her hand up one more time, knocking a little harder, though her voice was soft as it accompanied the knocks. “Beau?” 

It only took another few seconds before a soft voice called back. “S’unlocked…” 

Yasha furrowed her eyebrows; there were enemies in the tower, they all had keys so they could lock their doors at all times. She slowly reached her hand out, opening the door and stepping inside before closing it behind her. Looking through to the sitting room, she could see Beau sitting on a chair, staring into the fire; she did not turn to look at Yasha, but the aasimar could feel her posture react to her presence. She took a careful couple of steps into the room fully, gesturing back towards the door even though the monk’s focus was still on the fire. “Are you sure you want to leave your door unlocked tonight?” Confusion hit Yasha as Beau’s head fell slightly and a humorless laugh sound quickly escaped her mouth. 

“It’s not unlocked for everyone…” It was all she offered. 

Two different colored eyes darted around the room a few times before she spoke; she couldn’t help herself. “How does that wor-” 

“A while back I asked Caleb if my door could always be locked...I just...I liked the thought of having a bedroom door that locked.” Beau quickly cut off the question, having already known it was coming; her lips pulled into a thin line before she continued. “I uh...I told him to-” Her tanned shoulders shrugged. “You’re the only one it doesn’t lock out…” 

_“She will want you there…”_

Yasha couldn’t help but hear Jester’s words after Beau’s confession. She felt a tug in her chest at this reveal, feeling honored to have been the only person entrusted with access to Beau’s safe place. She felt her last insecurities about having come after Beau melt away as she took another step further into the space. 

Beau hadn’t planned on ever telling Yasha that piece of information, only making the distinction just in case there was ever some sort of emergency...she trusted Yasha not to overstep more than anyone...and if she were honest, she thought that if Yasha ever needed her, she wanted her to be able to...just come in; it hadn’t felt right to ever have a locked barrier between them. It appeared that it was also helpful when Beau was in need...she could admit that she was glad to have Yasha with her, but she still couldn’t bring herself to look at her, choosing instead to just focus on the fire. She took a deep breath as she felt Yasha walk around behind her, coming to sit in the chair next to her. She knew those beautiful multicolored eyes were on her and she wanted nothing more than to allow herself the comfort of looking back, but she was fucking terrified. 

“Beau…” 

Her head turned slightly of its own accord at the soft sound of Yasha’s voice. She could feel the tears threatening to return as her head shook once almost imperceptibly. Her fist flexed where it rested on her thigh as she took in another shaky breath, releasing it as slowly as she could. 

_“Beau…”_

She could hear the slight desperation in Yasha’s tone, which only made the tears come harder. She closed her eyes as her head fell forward, tears falling to her lap. She squeezed them shut tighter as she felt Yasha get up from her chair, coming to kneel in front of her. She sucked in air through her nose, smelling the floral scent of Yasha’s hair as the larger woman leaned their foreheads together, bringing her hands to Beau’s lap. 

Beau pressed her forehead into Yasha’s harder, the muscles in her shoulders flexing, desperate for contact that could ground her; she was still terrified to look her in the eye. She released a small sob as she felt Yasha return the pressure, gritting her teeth slightly as a frustrated huff left her body. 

“Beau...please look at me…” Yasha let the journal rest on Beau’s lap as she scooped up the smaller hands into hers, holding them on top of it. She watched as Beau’s eyebrows quirked and her head fell to look down at her lap. She still wouldn’t meet Yasha’s eyes with her own. 

“You brought my notebook...”

Yasha leaned back on her feet slightly, looking down at the book with a sad smile when the monk squeezed her eyes shut again. “Well...I-yes. I know this one...this is not one you show to people.” Yasha paid attention to the small monk, she knew that this particular journal was one Beau always had at her side. Yasha often saw Beau showing other people notes or tidbits she’d written down in different notebooks, she had many; but this one...she never let other eyes into. “I thought you would want it with you.” She watched as Beau’s face fell, hoping she hadn’t done something wrong. Before she could stutter out an apology, the smaller woman leaned forward again, bringing both of her hands up to either side of Yasha’s face and her forehead back to rest against hers. 

“Yasha…” Beau’s voice was broken. This woman in front of her was perfect...and they were now perfectly _fucked_ and she felt like they were rapidly running out of time; and it was all her fault. 

She didn’t know why, but it just felt right as Yasha slid her hands back to rest on Beau’s hips. Her eyes widened slightly when the knees in front of her opened up, the book falling to the floor as Beau pushed herself into Yasha’s lap, her legs coming around her to rest on the ground beside Yasha’s hips as her arms circled around her shoulders. Strong arms wrapped themselves around Beau’s small frame as the monk leaned her face into Yasha’s neck and began to cry. Yasha brought a hand to rest on the back of Beau’s neck, holding the shaking woman to her as she ran her thumb along the shaven part of her head. 

Beau always tried to act offended whenever someone pointed out how fucking small she was, but in the moments when she was perfectly wrapped up in Yasha’s arms, she counted it a blessing. When the angel scooped her up, held her, she was so completely and utterly _held_. Beau had never been one to receive physical affection in her life...she didn’t know what she’d been missing out on and hadn’t ever really thought too much about it; but as the strong woman beneath her tightened her grip ever so slightly and Beau felt her entire body respond, starved for physical comfort, she realized how much she needed it. 

Yasha could feel Beau’s body flex further into her, her head turning further into her neck, knees squeezing at her hips and so she wrapped her arms slightly tighter around the smaller woman. Her heart broke when she heard a small whimper leave Beau before her whole body went slack in Yasha’s arms, curling into her chest. If she hadn’t still been audibly crying, Yasha would have thought she’d lost consciousness or something. It was another minute before the sobs stopped as the aasimar gently continued to run her hand up and down Beau’s back. “Beau?” Yasha paused, waiting for the soft ‘hmm?’ before she continued with her question that she knew would bring Beau out of this small reprieve. “Will you _please_ look at me?” She felt the monk’s grip on the front of her top tighten, her voice almost inaudible when she spoke. 

“I’m afraid to…” A few more tears fell from Beau’s eyes as she finally admitted it out loud. 

“Why?” Yasha brought a hand up to reassuringly run her fingers through soft brown hair that was mostly down at this point. 

The smaller woman took in a deep, shaky breath. “What-what if…” Beau shook her head, trying not to think about the weird shapes and flashes that she’d seen, that she’d written down...she _knew_ she’d written them down. Her blue eyes glanced down at her hands, refusing to turn the left one over; she didn’t need to, she could still feel it. Her hands suddenly felt foreign to her, terrifyingly so...how much more of herself was no longer her own, or hers to share? “What if you look in my eyes...and you can tell...that it isn’t just me?” She could feel her breathing becoming more staccato, her vision blurring with tears again. “What if you see _them_ too? Yash, you would know, you would be able to tell...I _know_ you would, you would know if it wasn’t me...I don’t...I don’t want you to-to-'' She brought a fist up to rub at her eyes, frustration mounting inside of her. “We’re so fucking _stupid_!” She sat up slightly in Yasha’s lap, leaning her forehead on one of her broad shoulders as she placed her right hand on the aasimar’s chest, leaving the other resting palm up in her lap. “Why did we read that fucking book…” She lifted her head up to knock it back down against Yasha’s shoulder. 

“You are not stupid...and you read that thing because that is what you do.” Yasha carefully brought her hands up to cup around Beau’s head, not forcing her up, just holding her where she was. She leaned her head against Beau’s as she spoke. “Everything we know, we know because of you...because you figured it out. You are _not_ stupid, Beau.” She ran her thumbs against Beau’s temples. “We need to get this over with…” She could feel the small body on her stiffen slightly. “You need to look at me, Beau...please?” Yasha was not leaving before she laid eyes on the bright blue ones she often went to sleep thinking about, but she still would only ever request things of Beau...demanding, ordering...it just wasn’t in Yasha to do. Beau’s voice was thick with fear when she responded softly into Yasha’s shoulder. 

“What if I’m right? What if isn’t me?” 

“It is you, Beau...you are here with me, right now, I know it is you I am talking to-”

“What if it’s not _just_ me?” Beau’s voice shook. 

“Then I will still be right here...Beau can you just-” Yasha took in a short breath through her nose. “Could you do it...for me? I-” It was the first time Yasha’s voice broke; she was unable to stifle the emotions welling up from her chest, this was terrifying for both of them. “Beau, I need to _see_ you…” 

The hand Beau had resting on Yasha’s chest slowly moved up towards the aasimar’s face, resting on her cheek and just under her ear. Her deft fingers reached up further and danced around Yasha’s many piercings, letting the motions ground her before taking a deep breath. The desperation in Yasha’s voice was honestly enough for Beau; when that kind of tone came from the other woman, Beau would deny her nothing. She knew Yasha would hate to know she held that kind of sway over Beau, but that knowledge only ever made her feel safer to acquiesce. She was happy when Yasha’s hands remained on either side of her face as she slowly sat up in her lap; they made no pressure to guide in any direction, leaving Beau completely in charge, there only for support. Once she was sitting up straight, eye level with the heterochromatic ones that she knew were already on her, ready and waiting patiently, Beau took a few stilling breaths, as if she were preparing to meditate. She knew Yasha would wait as long as she needed her to. After a few more breaths... _fuck it_. 

She opened her eyes. 

Her breath caught in her throat when she finally made contact with the soft violet and turquoise colored orbs in front of her. They were wide, welcoming, safe; Beau felt a wave of relief crash over her when Yasha’s face softened into a sweet smile after searching Beau’s eyes. 

Yasha pushed a strand of brown hair behind Beau’s ear, drinking in the feeling of finally having those eyes opened and on her. They were filled with uncertainty and fear, but they were _her_. “You are all that I see, Beau.” Her head shook slightly, keeping her eye’s on Beau’s. “It is only you.” 

Tanned hands came up to rest on the larger ones that were cupping her cheeks; she guessed tonight would just be spent crying as she hadn’t really been able to stop them at all so far. “I’m scared, Yasha…” Fear was never an easy thing for Beau to acknowledge, but the disarming effect of finally looking Yasha in the eyes had her spilling her truth as if she’d been drugged. 

In any other set of circumstances, the way in which Beau’s face pouted at her statement would be adorable, but as Yasha watched the woman in her lap, it only made her feel sad at watching a testament to just how defeated the monk felt in that moment. “I know...it is okay.” 

“What if every time I go to sleep now, I wake up with another fucking eye?” The terror in Beau’s voice was palpable. “Until I just don’t sleep anymore…”

It’d been all Yasha had been able to think about since waking up to the new markings on Caleb and Beau. She tried to think of something to say in response, but she had nothing. 

“What if in another day or two, you look in my eyes and you _don’t_ see me anymore? Yasha...Yash...if-if that happens...if you look at me, and you don’t see _me_...if I’m just one of them-” Beau’s words were coming out faster now, the fear again mounting inside of her at the prospect of being completely taken over. “Y-you...you have to stop me. You’re the only one who would be able to.” Beau painfully thought back to all of the times she already fought against Yasha in hand to hand combat; the sentinel tanks were simply matched to fight each other when on opposite teams. She was quickly pulled from her thoughts by the fast shaking head in front of her, confusion written on the beautiful angel’s face as she removed her hands from Beau’s face and held them up between them. 

“Beau...what is it that you are asking of me?” Yasha didn’t like the tone in Beau’s voice, or the direction this conversation was going. 

Beau’s face scrunched up; she knew she couldn’t ask Yasha to hurt her...even if she wasn’t in control, she knew the barbarian would not. Her jaw set angrily as she thought about Lucien and his stupid fucking _smirk_. How he was able to control his whole group, how his creepy red eyes followed them wherever they moved; she flexed her left hand, trying to ignore the heat on the back of it. “I don’t want to be like him…” Her voice softened as her gaze fell back to her lap.

“And so you won’t be…” The aasimar’s voice was firm, though she knew there was no real way to reassure Beau, either of them honestly...they had no idea what the future held for their group now. The only thing Yasha _did_ know was that she was going to protect Beau in any way she could; she wasn’t going to let this Somnovum just have her, or Caleb, not after everything they’d all been through. 

“Yasha...” 

Beau’s voice was so small, Yasha felt a tug in her chest from the sound alone. She kept her eyes on the still broken expression written on Beau’s face, wide blue eyes staring back at her from behind a wall of tears. 

“They were in my head; in my dream, I _felt_ them. I just...Yasha please...please don’t let me hurt anyone…” When Beau looked back into her journal after writing down her dream and saw nothing but nonsense, it’d shaken the monk to her core. She’d always been able to rely on herself, on her ability to keep track of everything that happened to them; of everything she experienced. She remembered writing down thoughts of images and feelings, but to see...nothing, not even one single readable note? It made her feel in that moment that she couldn’t trust her own fucking hands...her own mind...her own eyes? What could she trust? 

The tone in Beau’s voice struck a chord directly in Yasha’s chest. Beau was afraid of the invasion of her mind, she was afraid of experiencing something that Yasha was intimately familiar with. She couldn’t stop herself as her eyes glanced down at the small monk’s chest, the scar that bisected her torso a permanent and constant reminder of just how dangerous they could be when used against each other. Her heart broke for Beau...she knew the agonizing realization that your mind may not be your own, that you could be used against the ones you love with nothing to do about it but watch. Her time under Obann’s control left behind lasting trauma for their whole group...but it also unfortunately left Yasha uniquely qualified to help Beau through this. 

The aasimar looked down at the small overturned hand resting in between them, carefully reaching down to take it in her own hands, clasping it between them for a second. She could feel the tension in Beau’s arm at first, and waited for it to relax again before she slowly lifted the hand up, being sure to keep her much larger one covering the back that contained the new mark as she pressed her lips to the palm. Her eyes were closed as she did it, but she heard the woman in her lap release a small breath before she opened them again to look back at Beau, seeing a few more tears fall. “I know you are scared Beau...and...I am too.” She looked down for a moment, reaching out her other hand to rest over the scar on Beau’s chest. “I know how scary this can be…” Heterochromatic eyes lifted back up to meet the wide blue ones that remained on her, hanging on her every word. 

Beau wondered if Yasha could feel her heart about to beat out of her chest. She remembered back to the last time they talked about the cathedral, how Beau told Yasha she knew it wasn’t her. The monk remembered the eerie expressions that Obann forced on Yasha’s face whenever they’d seen her while she’d been under his control; she didn't know if she hated the creepy grin or the cold, blank expressionless one more. The difference to how the aasimar actually held her face was stark and Beau hated to think about what warped version of her own face her family might be forced to fight. She refocused on the face in front of her as the angel's expression fell slightly. 

“I will not hurt you, Beau...I think you already know that…'' Yasha paused, a ball forming in her chest as a small tanned hand came to gently rest on top of hers that still rested over Beau’s scar. “But I know how it feels to be used against the people you love-” Her eyes came to meet Beau’s again as her hand flexed slightly where it was, making sure Beau understood what she was telling her; the slight widening of the bright blue eyes told her that she did. “So if you are asking me to...if it comes down to it, I will not let you hurt any of our family.” Yasha’s eyes fell again briefly, but she suddenly felt two hands on either side of her head, pulling her gaze firmly back up.

“That _includes_ you, Yasha.” Beau kept her piercing gaze on Yasha’s, trying not to notice what she knew was on the back of her hand that remained gripping the side of Yasha’s head. She knew the barbarian...she knew that she spoke with care, never saying a single word that she didn’t mean. Beau noticed immediately the distinction the other woman made about not allowing Beau to hurt any of their friends, conveniently leaving herself out. “Yash...don’t you dare let me hurt you either.” Beau couldn’t help it when the sad expression crossed the aasimar’s features: she gave the head in her hands a small quick shake. “ _Don’t._ ”

“It won’t come to that, Beau...we will figure this out before then.” 

“You don’t know that.” 

“Beau-”

“No!” Beau scrambled out of Yasha’s lap, standing in front of the fire, waiting for the other woman to slowly stand and face her. “Promise me.” The monk stood up straight, looking Yasha in the eyes, the seriousness of her statement dripping from her gaze. 

“What?” Yasha could feel her pulse increase. 

“Promise me you won’t let me hurt you.” Beau might be fast, but Yasha was _strong_ ; the monk had gone down without much of a fight in the cathedral, she knew Yasha could overpower her without issue if it came down to it. It was really unfortunate that the world continued to fuck them so she had no time to explore the other implications of that knowledge. She narrowed her eyes at the other woman. “Promise me if my brain turns to soup and I try to kill you, that you won’t just...let me try.” 

It was Yasha’s turn to look at the floor, her voice soft as she responded. “I cannot hurt you, Beau.” 

“So what? You’ll just stand there and fuckin’ take it?” Beau flinched in time with Yasha at how harsh her words sounded; at least they knew it was still her for now...she was still an asshole. “Shit...I’m-” Beau let out a small sigh as she stepped up closer to the taller woman. She stopped short when she held out her left hand and was met with the bright red eye, the sick feeling washing over her again. She went to recoil, but stopped when Yasha reached out and took gentle hold of it, using it to coax Beau towards her. 

“Here...let me…” Yasha reached up on the wall where a few blue sashes hung and pulled one down. “May I?” She held up the sash, gesturing to Beau’s hand as she did. When the monk wordlessly nodded, Yasha proceeded to wrap the sash neatly around her hand securing it at her wrist, placing a small kiss there when she was done. When she looked back at Beau, there was a small smile at the corner of her lips and she stepped closer to Yasha, resting her head on her chest with another sigh. 

“Thank you.” It was slightly muffled as she spoke into the warm chest in front of her. Beau closed her eyes as she took a deep breath, the calming floral scent of the other woman washing over her. She blindly reached up, her hands coming to rest on the back of Yasha’s neck, playing with the soft hair at the base of her head before she turned her head to speak. “Yasha...I would never ask you to hurt me...not in this kind of context anyway..” A small smirk made its way onto her face as the woman above her huffed a small chuckle before bringing her arms around Beau’s waste. 

“I find the fact that you can make jokes like that and still think you are not completely yourself very interesting.” Yasha let a smaller laugh go when Beau bonked her head against her chest softly. 

“Shut up…” Beau let her genuine smile remain for another second before it inevitably fell. She picked her head up to look at Yasha, her hands coming forward to rub her thumbs across her pale cheeks, the right one moving even further to run her thumb down the line tattooed on her chin as she looked over Yasha’s whole face. Beau realized looking at Yasha and the feeling of calm that washed over her whenever she did, that she knew what she could trust...or rather, who. “Yash…” She could see Yasha’s expression shift, knowing the seriousness was back in Beau’s tone. “I don’t know what’s going to happen and that’s...that’s fucking terrifying for me, but what’s more than that is I don’t know if I can trust myself right now.” Blue eyes darted to her now covered hand. “I’ve never been in this place before. My whole life, I’ve been the _only_ thing I can trust, y’know? But now…” She sucked in a shaky breath, pushing back the tears. “Well now I can’t.” The edges of her mouth turned up slightly. “But I trust you...and right now, you’re really all I trust. I trust you more than I trust myself right now, I have to. And so I would never ask you to hurt me…” Her voice cracked slightly as she continued. “But Yasha, I need to know you’re with me, that you will notice if I am not myself...that you will keep me from doing anything to hurt any of you guys, but especially you. I can’t...if I lose it and I come to and you’re hurt because of me-” Beau shook her head as she leaned it back on Yasha’s chest, more tears falling. “Don’t make me do that…” Her last statement was a choked whisper. 

Yasha tightened her arms around the smaller woman, her own head falling to rest on the one against her chest; she understood the monk more in this moment than she ever had before, it was cruel, really. She took in a deep breath, releasing it through her nose, letting a couple of her own tears fall before she spoke; her voice was so soft, it almost didn’t register to herself that she’d spoken at all. “Okay…” She lifted her head when the one under it picked itself up, her eyes meeting Beau’s. 

“Okay?” Beau stood up from her leaned spot against Yasha as she reached up to wipe at the few tears that were falling down the aasimar’s face. 

Yasha nodded. “Okay Beau. I am with you; _of course_ I am with you.” She brought a shaky hand up to push a strand of brown hair behind Beau’s ear, her bottom lip shaking slightly before she spoke. “I promise you I will know if you change…” Yasha looked down, her eyes closing as a small sob fell from her throat at the implications of someone else taking over Beau. She felt small hands at the sides of her face, gently pulling her down to rest her forehead against Beau’s again; her tears fell harder for a moment at the sweet gesture as Beau released her head so she could take Yasha’s hands in hers between them as she waited for her to continue. The barbarian took a deep breath, quickly releasing it through her nose before she was able to get her lip to stop trembling enough to get her words out. Words that she knew Beau needed to hear from her; words that she would provide for her, no matter how hard they were for her to say. “I-I promise-” She shook her head once, biting back another sob before she could push through, the squeeze to her hands grounding her. She opened her eyes, looking down into the bright blue ones that were already on her. “I promise if it comes to it...I will do everything I can to prevent you from hurting _any_ of us…” She kept her eyes on Beau’s through the few tears that dropped out of them, seeing the monk searing her eyes. “I promise, Beau.” 

The small monk took a step back, nodding her head softly as she brought a hand up to wipe at her nose. “I know...I believe you.” She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Yasha’s waist in a small hug, sighing into it when the larger woman’s arms circled her. “Thank you.” She hated that she needed that reassurance, but she knew now that Yasha had verbally promised her that she wouldn’t just _let_ Beau fuck her up, that she would keep her promise. 

“We _will_ figure something out before it comes to that, Beau; all of us.” The confidence Yasha was able to inject into her statement almost convinced herself. Almost. 

When the woman above her sniffled lightly, Beau felt a tug in her chest, she felt terrible for causing this already shitty situation to get even worse. She pulled back from the hug with a small frown on her face, feeling the frustration build in her chest once more. She took another step away from the taller woman. “I’m sorry Yash. I know this can’t be easy for you...we should have been more careful, then you guys wouldn’t have to deal with this shit.” Beau began to turn around, her shoulders slumping as the guilt began to take hold before Yasha’s voice stopped her. 

“Beau.” Yasha closed the short distance Beau put between them, placing both of her hands on the shorter woman’s shoulders. Her heterochromatic eyes narrowed and her head shook lightly; the way this woman in front of her could question her worth astounded Yasha. “Being here for you is _very_ easy for me.” Broad shoulders shrugged as Yasha’s eyes widened slightly as a thought hit her. “It is the easiest thing I have done in...a long time; there is no other place I would want to be right now.” She rubbed the shoulders under her hands with her thumbs. “And we have all been...what did you say? _Dealing with shit_ for as long as we have known each other. This is no different, and we will figure this out together. You did nothing wrong here.” 

“I shouldn’t hav-”

“No. We were all right there. No one tried to stop you…” A flash of guilt crossed Yasha’s features. “Maybe one of us should have…” 

“It’s not your fault, Yasha.” Beau shook her head before a pointed gaze was directed at her once more. 

“It is not yours either, Beau. This was done _to_ you...it did not happen _because_ of you.” Yasha knew such lessons were hard to learn, but she knew constant reassurances from people you trusted helped eventually. 

“I read the damn thing. That wasn’t done to me, we _chose_ to read it.” Blue eyes rolled with a frustrated huff. 

“And so what?” Yasha held her hands up from Beau’s shoulder, her palms facing the ceiling. “Beau if you chose not to read it, you and Caleb would just be sitting around thinking about how much you wish you had.” Yasha’s hands fell back to Beau’s shoulders when the monk gave an understanding shrug. “You both were always going to read the book…” Yasha’s voice held a certain sadness to it; she had always known that was true. There would have been no use in trying to stop them from reading it, Caleb especially. 

Beau looked up at Yasha with a sad smile. “I’m sorry we keep having to skip our date…” She brought her hands up to the aasimar’s hips, a brief flash of excitement tingling in her fingertips when they perched on the openings in the sides of the taller woman’s leathers, the warm skin of Yasha’s hips there to land on. She noticed the slight widening of the eyes above and knew the other woman noticed the contact as well. 

“We will still have it.” Yasha returned the small smile, trying to keep her pulse under control. 

“The whole ‘stay alive’ promise might be a little bit difficult to keep at this point…who knows.” Beau was trying to make a joke, but it didn’t even sound effective to her own ears as her bottom lip pouted slightly, her gaze dropping to her hands on Yasha’s hips. 

“It was always going to be difficult to keep…” Yasha took Beau’s chin between her thumb and forefinger, gently lifting her head back up, a small smile on her face. “But difficult things are the ones that are worth it.” Her smile grew slightly when she felt the fingers at her hips give her a small squeeze. 

Beau’s pout pulled back into a smile. “Do you have any idea how many times in my life I have been called difficult? And never once did it mean something good.” Beau’s shoulders hunched as a self deprecating chuckle left her throat; it died soon after when Yasha mirrored her position with her large hands on Beau’s slender hips, pulling the shorter woman further into her warm embrace. Her breath almost completely left her as the taller woman leaned down and placed a soft kiss to her cheek, just barely next to her lips before moving next to her ear to speak. 

“You are _incredibly_ difficult…” Yasha moved to Beau’s other cheek, placing the same kiss on it, ignoring the self-satisfied smirk plastered on the monk’s face at her statement before she continued to her other ear. “And you are so much more than good, Beau...you are the best of us; you are more than worth it.” Her lips moved to Beau’s temple, placing a soft kiss there and letting her lips linger as the smaller woman cleared her throat. 

The monk was slightly stunned, both by the amount of times Yasha’s lips had just been on her and by the words that she just so genuinely spoke to her. There was, however, one singular throughline of thought, and it was all she found she could croak out with Yasha’s soft lips still pressed to her head. “Y-you uh...ya missed a spot…” She could feel the lips on her temple spread into a smile, causing a blush to creep onto her cheeks as the taller woman pulled back briefly. As the soft porcelain skin of Yasha’s face began to brush past Beau’s, the small monk realized she couldn’t bear the loss of contact. They’d waited long enough; and they very well could be out of fucking time. Beau quickly brought a hand up to catch the back of Yasha’s head before she could pull away fully from the smaller woman, guiding her right back down to Beau’s waiting lips. 

The young monk braced herself for the inevitable awkwardness that came from first kisses; when you were both trying to learn the other. This was not that; as soon as Yasha’s lips were on hers, it was as if there had never been an awkward moment between them. She felt the taller woman tighten her arms around her waist as Beau hooked her arm behind Yasha’s neck, pulling her up further into the kiss with a deep breath in through her nose. She began to briefly wonder why on earth they waited so long to do this, but she quickly discarded such a thought because this...this was perfect. She felt all of the tension leave her body and even though she knew the fear was still somewhere in her mind, she couldn’t focus on that right now even if she wanted to. Not when all she could smell was Yasha, she could _taste_ her...and it was wonderful, everything she’d ever thought it would be and more. Her lips parted as they continued to move against each other, taking Yasha’s bottom lip in between her own, giving it a small nibble that elicited the softest sigh from the other woman that held just enough of Yasha’s voice in its exhale to set Beau’s entire body on fire. 

The aasimar held the smaller woman in place with one arm as she brought her other hand to cup a tanned cheek. Yasha thought her heart was going to explode in her chest from happiness. She thought about kissing Beau when they were in battle and the other woman did something amazing, showing off her skills; she hadn’t allowed herself to imagine what a more intimate setting would mean for them. She thought it wouldn’t be as comfortable somehow, but as she sighed into the small monk’s mouth and felt the body in her arms respond to it, she realized how perfect this was. Leave it to them to find the perfect moment for this to be nestled within tragedy. That didn’t matter...they were going to figure this all out. Yasha was not going to miss out on more of this with Beau. She finally felt like she was in a place where she could protect those that she loved, _really_ help protect them, and that’s exactly what she was going to do. 

As the pair finally broke apart, each sucking in much needed air, Yasha was pleased to see the smile that she couldn’t hide from her own features mirrored back at her from the woman in her arms. She slowly let Beau back down to her feet, having had picked her up slightly from them during the kiss, but they remained embracing. “Beau…” Yasha’s voice was soft, the smile evident in it. Her eyebrows knit together and she nodded her head. “We are going to find a way to beat this.” 

“Yeah we are.” Beau’s voice was breathless, and the sureness of it surprised even her. 

Yasha’s eyes widened along with her smile when the monk didn’t argue with her; one long eyebrow cocked itself as she looked down at the smiling woman. 

“Yasha...that was...you’re...just incredible.” She nodded her head, a determined expression locked onto her face; finally having those angel lips on hers had given her some much needed clarity. “I’m not giving this up without a fight...not after we just got it.” Her eyebrows shot to the top of her head when Yasha leaned down and captured her lips in another short kiss, leaving the monk a little lightheaded. She’d been waiting for so long to be able to have this; to have Yasha and to be able to explore her feelings for the other woman. She resigned herself to never being able to have it and that being okay...and then this perfect angel of a woman had given her a note, a note that reassured Beau that there was someone out there who would like all of the things Beau had always been taught to hate about herself. Now that she was finally starting to allow herself to seek out some happiness, to turn towards the warmth and love Yasha was offering her, instead of away, she was not going to let some ancient city of psychos ruin it for her. 

When Yasha pulled back, a small chuckle bubbled up from her chest at the goofy grinned expression on the beautiful face in front of her. “That’s my girl.” Yasha could see the sharpened fire return to the bright blue eyes she was looking into and knew that Beau wasn’t going to give up on herself so easily, give up on them; Yasha wouldn’t either. Both women had grown accustomed to running from their problems, but now...now they had a family, now they had each other, and they would be running from nothing. 

Beau felt a flutter in her chest at the aasimar’s words that stayed with her until the pair found themselves in her bed to try and continue with their rest. It took a while, but Yasha was finally able to coax her to sleep while keeping her wrapped in her arms, promising to be there the whole time, playing with her hair to keep her grounded and her mind on things other than nightmares. 

Nightmares that luckily let the small monk be for the rest of the night, allowing for Beau to get some rest before they had to dive headfirst into the unknown in the morning. Her angel stood guard over her as she slept, Yasha remaining awake as her multicolored eyes swept over every inch of Beau’s tanned skin, looking for more unwanted marks, keeping her strong arms protectively around the smaller form. She could just try and survive on power naps from here on out and watch over Beau during the night; whatever it took. They would not have her.


End file.
